Could it be that all along, I was being cheated on?
Do you know how lost I felt when I knew that? Maybe I shan't reveal too much here till I get it done? For all I know there might be people here reading on the sly. I really can't control myself
Really, I've to hate you but why am I still holding back? I could have gone up to you and just give you a tight slap.
Why am I holding back? Seriously, what have I gotten myself into?
I made friends worry for me, I distant myself from my close friends. I got myself into this shit.
Do you actually know how much hurt it has caused me?
I ask Ag today, what should I be feeling? I didn't regret anything, at least there were memories and what I can do now is to leave them as memories that I'll never forget. You've given me the best memories thus far.
I really hope that everything that you've done for me, said to me, everything was true. Please don't send another blow to me which might make me commit suicide. I swear, please don't deal me with another blow. This is a plea.
I didn't expect things to turn out this way, I didn't want things to turn out this way but I guess it's time to say goodbye.
I've no idea how we're gonna get along but I think it's highly impossible.
I just don't know what I should be doing. I really wanna escape from this horrible place to somewhere that would make me happy.
I wanna run away, just run to somewhere no one would find me.
I wanna drown myself in alcohols tonight and I need the sticks tonight.
See what I mean by my life has hit rock bottom. I've none of it tonight.
When I need them the most, I've none of them and when I don't need them, I've tonnes of them.
Why is everything making my life so miserable
Friends know that I'm not my usual hyper self any more. I cannot bring myself to be like before any longer.
They know I've fallen too deeply for you but you, what have you done to me.
I know you will just go like fuck care that bitch. You don't even care. Why can't I do the same? Why can't I be like you?
I really miss the you that I thought you were.
I wish I was still a lil kid. It's so true that skinned knees are so much easier to heal than broken hearts.
If life is still gonna make a fool of me, I might as well end it. Someon just end my life for me.
I hate this life, I hate my life, I hate myself. Just hate me, there's nothing worthwhile about me living on this earth.
Don't you think so. I'm getting more an more pessimistic.
Please don't leave me alone, I'm not referring to you G. I hate you, I really wanna hate you but I can't bring myself too even though you've done something that made me cry really badly. I cried a few days before and I cried again today while telling M about the times we had.
Really, I didn't know you were like that.
You broke my heart. I'll never be able to heal from this. It left a scar that I know would not fade. I'm having phobia of getting into another relationship now. I find life so meaningless

I still dare not do certain things. Like watching gossip girls because that's the show I would watch whenever we quarrel so that I won't have to talk to you.
Great, now I'm having flashbacks and I'm crying again. I remember how we use to watch movies on your laptop and I'll lie on your chest.
We caught Marley and Me and that movie was a good one. You would hold me in your arms and I would fall asleep really quickly.
I still don't know how to drag your contacts out of my favourite groups. It only holds you and me.
My laptop's display picture is still me and you. The cake that you got for my birthday
I really hate crying and then having no one to turn to. I really cannot face this alone

I'm supposed to hate you after knowing all these. I really have to

I miss you, where're you?
I've been thinking about you all day and I spent like crazy just to keep my mind off you but it's only for that moment. I still can't stand being alone. Like everything will flood back and I'm so so so afraid of everything.
Would you come back to me one day?
I really can't forget everything about you.
I don't know where are you now, sleeping?
It hurts me really badly and still very badly. What am I supposed to do now. Can someone tell me?
Whenever I see couples, I'll feel so lost, I mean couples outside.
Of course my friends who are already a pair, I wish you all the best and I'm genuinely happy for you.
I'm trying to find out what is happening in your life.
I really really really really really miss you.
Love, what has it done to me.
I'm really so sick of life, I hate my life, I tear, I tried so hard not to but sometimes the tears just flows out by itself
I'm tired and cold. I want you to hug me to sleep again

Here I am again. So today, I tried to keep G off my mind but I kind of failed. I told myself not to try so hard to forget everything incase everything just backfires. It's really sucky when I kept trying to forget everything then one fine day, I realised that everything was just hidden for the time being and now everything has resurfaced.
I don't really know what I want. I've to forget him so I would not be so hurt and sad anymore but a huge part of me still doesn't wanna forget about him. Forget about the things he did for me, forget about the times we had. Everything was just so perfect and sweet. He changed a lot for me, like from being lazy to making the effort to make sure everything was the best for me. He was so lazy and he can make the effort to fetch me to and back from school. He don't usually tidy his room or clean up but because I'm staying over frequently, he tidy his room so regularly that whenever I'm there, it's always so clean and neat. He know I can't sleep without the air-con, so sometimes when his aircon is faulty, he will bring the fan right infront and he would keep asking me whether I would feel warm or not. He really shows a lot of care and concern for me and he's really the best boyfriend I've ever had.
I keep thinking and thinking nowadays that if I've a new boyfriend anytime soon. I would get reminded of G as the things he did for me were the sweetest and I can never get it out of my head. There were so much memories even before we were together.
Today I walked along the road at Wisma where the live band plays. I remembered that we were there together with the rest of the usuals. Although we weren't together and we didn't even express out the feelings we had for each other but it's still like a memory of him and me. I could feel my tears brimming and I tried my very best to hold everything back. I didn't want to just break down in public like that.
It hurts me really a lot, when I was in the cab back, I was so afraid of going back home alone although Sel was in the cab with me. I was thinking about when I get down of the cab, I would have to take the lift back home alone, walk that short path back to my place alone. I can just squat at the stairs at 6th storey to cry. I would just lose all the strength to stand, my tears would just flow and I would cry and cry.
It happens nowadays too.
I held back my tears all the way till I'm home and then I got a lectured and it made me feel worst. Like really really bad.
It's not like I wanna dwell in this whole shit but he really means a lot to me and nobody would understand what I'm going through. There's no one else except me who knows what I'm feeling. You're not even me. I admit I do not have the willpower to overcome this alone, I need to be constantly talking to someone whenever I'm alone.
I really really really miss you. Just wished that I could send you a text which says I miss you. I really wonder how you would react and would you give me a reply.
D told me to do it, even if you do not reply it's ok. I think if I don't receive a reply from you, I would be crushed totally and I would start crying all over again. I really don't have the courage to do so because I'm really afraid of the scary truth.
I took 61 back home from Vivo last night. I was so afraid that I can feel my heart wrenching again. I tried to sleep that feeling off and it did work a lil. I still remember you told me you took 61 home after the chalet. You slept beside me and I felt kinda happy that you did. Small things like that makes me happy. I'm easily contented.
After you reached home, you saw me online and you asked me aren't I tired, won't I be sleeping and I told you I'm going out with my parents. You were really tired so you told me you would take a nap and talk to me in the night again.
When I came home again, you weren't online, I was indeed a lil disappointed but yeah promises are meant to be broken.
Then the next morning when I reached school, I received a text from you. I swear my jaw dropped, I was really happy, I was grinning all the way at the text that you said sorry you was supposed to talk to me last night but you slept till the next morning. You made the effort to text me for such stuffs. We started texting from then on and I'm always very anxious to receive your reply.
I don't know, I don't know what should I do now.
I don't wanna forget you and I really hope one day things might turn out good. Just, please don't ever break my heart again.
I want you back, I really do. I really can't bear the thought of you not being in my life. It's been like almost a month and I'm still dwelling in this shit. Tell me how?
Sometimes I really feel like life is so meaningless. Why am I being tortured in the game called love?
Why?
Really really sick of life. Do you even know I'm still missing you very badly?

I can't sleep again tonight. I realised I might have been doing everything the wrong way. For the past few weeks, I've been telling myself how much my life would be better of without you, I'm totally fine without you. I kept telling this to myself and others and I put on a brave front. But the truth is I'm really afraid of going home alone, being alone and whenever I know it's time to go home I'll have this weird feeling in my heart. I don't wanna walk pass the places alone because I don't know when I might break down again.
Whenever itunes plays a song that holds a significant meaning to you and me, I would change that song in fear that it would instill the memories left in me. I would tell myself I'm sick of listening to these songs, I shall change it but the fact is I dare not listen to those songs because I might cry, I might break down and I'm really afraid of that.
I thought that I was over you but I realised that I'm not. Everything was just a lie to cover up for the emptiness you left in me.
I was at the stores checking out perfumes today and all the perfumes that I picked out were the ones you used and I could vividly remember your scent. Flashbacks of you and me appeared before my eyes and I wanted to cry there but I was numb, devoid of all emotions so I just continued walking around. It wasn't till I came home, had a shower and in the bathroom, I thought about everything, why is this happening? Why am I still so miserable? Haven't I already got over you, why does this small little things still bother me so much. It was then that I realised that I've been trying so hard, too hard, till the extent of deceiving. Believeing that I can live a much better life without you.
I always have this weird feeling in my heart. It's so weird that I can feel myself scrunching up. I wish I could just end my life to escape from all this experiences. I know how everyone is telling me that it's not worth all I'm going through now but it's me going through everything and I'm feeling so terrible, miserable that I really wanna die. It's been so long and I haven't got over it.
I know I'm a failure.
I was once told that if I'm gonna play this game called love, I've to be able to afford the price that the loser would have to pay but I don't treat our relationship as a game. I treat it as something that we shared, I can count on you but you let me down. Or maybe it wasn't your fault, it's the people around, I don't know. But why has this become like something that others had a part in it, isn't it supposed to be just the both of us? Why did you have to listen to what others have to say and it's because of the others that we're like that.
Now it's only me that's feeling this way, for all I know you might have fell for another girl or maybe it would happen soon.
I feel like a total loser

I cried so hard just now, tears just started flowing down and I broke down. I didn't know what to do except to cry. Was I trying too hard to forget you. I relive the memories in fear of forgetting you. I really don't want to erase you from my mind but I know I've to because it's making me feel so terrible. But at the same time, erasing you from my mind is torturing my mental soul. I'm trying so hard to forget you that I'm lying to myself and everyone. I thought of doing this fast and when I thought that I've done it, everything crashed down again because the foundation wasn't well built. I just piled everything of you into somewhere I thought I could cover it up and bury it forever. But no, I realised that wasn't the case, the memories could never be buried. You're still very important to me and I just keep wondering what are you doing,  where're you and what you're thinking. I gets really paranoid and it's driving me crazy. My mood is really unstable nowadays, like how I suddenly broke down today.
I showed everyone that I'm fine and I cry at home. I don't know what to do. Really, can someone tell me how?
No one can tell me how since there's no one reading this space..
I don't know how are the words of encouragement would be of any help for me to move on.
How am I able to fall asleep tonight? I don't know how but I'm gonna try.
I know some of you out there were able to see that I'm just putting on a brave front, but that's all I can think of doing but now I think it's all wrong. I'm doing everything all wrong.
I've to start from scratch
I hate the morning empty feeling and when I dream of you, it's always stupid and I always dream of you and me being back together like normal again and I know it's not really gonna happen.
I can dream of really out of the blue stuffs like you working at some random fastfood restaurant and I don't know why. But it's always happy times in the dreams. Maybe it's a form of compensation for the hurt and lost I feel in real because in real, things are never gonna be like that. You and I would have no bonds that we once shared.
No more, would there be somemore?

Great, Dad never fails to make my day worst. I wonder if he's having one of those his pms days again. I was already feeling bad enough like how I'm feeling after that day, the day I started crying like buckets of tears.
But at least if I'm not wrong G should be asleep now and I don't know why that makes me feel better then knowing that he's out with the others. I know I'm really selfish to be thinking and feeling this way but I seriously can't help it. It just makes me feel more secure knowing that he's home, even though he's not talking to me. Since that day, we haven't been talking and I really feel like typing I miss you to him but I don't know what will that leads to and I'm really afraid I might just regret it right after typing. Do you think I will?
I still miss him like really a lot still. Everyone can see how much I fell for him, it's really so true this time that I'm like so lost right after he left.
I don't wanna see him walk away, really no. I don't want that to happen to me but it still did.

Just finished talking on the phone with Ag, we talked about our life and our ex, we both feel very deeply for our other half and we suffered a lot because our story ended. As I was talking to him, I was looking through the pictures in my laptop that I took with G. Each and every single of them carried a significant meaning to me and the memories will never be forgotten. Hopefully one day we can make the story continue, start a new chapter but the chances are slim, like really slim.
Today is a day that I'm not feeling that worst but I don't know when one of those days will come again. Who knows right after I type this, the feeling might be back again? Or maybe tomorrow? The day after? I don't know, really, no idea at all and this sucks. Like I find it so hard to go pass each day not thinking of him.
I smiled when I was looking at the pictures and I was telling Ag how cute G was and like how sweet he was to me.
Really really wish that he was with me right now. I can't sleep and I want someone to cradle me to sleep and that someone is him. Seriously what would people think of me if they see this space of mine here. Nobody have ever seen this side of me apart from maybe Ag, Triff and Meiqi. They still have to hear me talk about G like almost everyday, every hour. Everything that I'm doing just reminds me of G and whenever it happens I'll be plunged into a state of lost. I'll just look around.
I can still vividly remember the route to his place. The path that he would hold my hand before we reach his house. The long period of time that we had to stay in the lift to get to the 19th storey where he stays. The teases he made, and how I always tease him.
He's so cute when I always tease him about eating too much when he's at K's place for over a year, eating everyday till his pecs were gone and I would always pinch his abdomen area. Alright he still has his pecs, just that I like to tease him about his pecs being fats. I would pinch it and tell him to see how fat he was, then he would sulk and say stop disturbing his muscles that are sleeping then he would start tickling me till I stop teasing him but he would always let me win during this teasing session because whenever he doesn't, I would push him away so that he can't hug me to sleep, he would then make the whining sound then pull me back which is really really cute and I always love it when he does that. We had so many heart to heart talks and I could really tell him everything. He would always try to give the best to me no matter what. He would sacrifice himself, his sleep, his studies, his money, his time and everything that you can think of. Like I said, even if he feels really sick, he would still make the effort to come all the way to my school to fetch me and he would come earlier so I won't have to wait for him. Do you know how good it felt to have your boyfriend waiting outside for you and fetching you home everyday just to make sure you're home safe and just to spend that short amount of time together?
Frankly speaking, the things he did for me was far more than the things I did for him. I made him upset because I wanted to go out when he was sick. I admit that I didn't even think of whether he was well enough to do so or not. I made him cry..
I then insisted on going over to his place to accompany him for the night because he was sick and I wanted to take care of him. He said he was hungry so I told him I would get food for me. I was able to go out of my house at 1 but after I took my shower, I still went over to Rach's place to chill with the rest and made him wait all the way till 3 and I know that he has gastric but I still made him wait. Until he called me to ask me where I was then I told the rest I had to leave. He still came downstairs to fetch me up despite being really sick, I could see that he was really really not feeling well. I ended up catching his virus and falling sick as well and he took care of me, forsaking his sleep, just to watch me sleep, test my temperature every now and then, wake me up for meals, medication and to shower if my temperature is really high. He kept changing the towel on my forehead and how I kept complaining about how cold it was. I stayed over for two nights and he took care of me for two nights.
Everytime he would wait for me to fall asleep first before he sleep. He would look at me sleep and everytime I would be the first to wake up and I always disturb him from his sleep like playing with his lashes and pinching him because I don't wanna be the only one awake in his room. Even he himself know that once I'm awake he would not get to sleep anymore. But he doesn't mind all of it at all because he don't wanna leave me alone awake because I would be bored. How sweet? He's really a very lazy person but because of me he tried to do the best he could for me.
Maybe it's really because he's always the one doing things for me and that's why when he finally said the word, the memories to him are nothing but him taking the initiative and I'm not in it. Maybe that's why he took such a short time to get me out of his mind, out of his life. You teared on the day we broke off, your eyes were moist with tears. While I sat at the other side of the carpark and cried and cried. I had totally no idea of what I could do other than cry. I didn't wanna go home, because I was feeling so terrible and miserable that I wanted to kill myself. Can you tell me whether you would fall for me again or when you do, please tell me and not leave me like that again?
I still have so much to say but I think this post is already long enough. I just wanted to say like a bit here but as I start typing, my mind just became filled with all the memories and I really had to pen them down. They won't be forgotten, everything is still revolving in my mind and they are all about you and only you. I don't mind giving up anything for you or giving you.
Ben told me that when I did that I've already thought of going far with you and after hearing it, I totally agree with it. I really thought something good would come out of this, after going through so much before I realise my feelings for you.
Please please please. I promise that everything would be better if you're back.
Please be.

I don't know when can I ever be normal again but today I heard something that pissed me off real badly although it's not him but yeah it's somehow related, but well, since people can do this to me.
I'll just gain another frenemy. Or rather it has always been like this all along.
You're not gonna deprive me the chance of seeing him, because you'll never have the ability to do so.
Alright today was kind of fine for the whole day till the time I made my way home where I got flashbacks. Yes I don't know why I had to be like this. But I just couldn't help it. Do you know how much I hate going home now, how I'm afraid of going home because I know I'll be alone and I'll be force to revisit the places that I've no courage to face alone?
Ok yes I know you're going to be at the same place that I'll be going to tomorrow. I swear to god it was pure coincidence and I've totally no idea you guys were going to be there. I sound like a dumb bitch, I know but all I can say is I hope there would be a chance to bump into you even though I know nothing is gonna come out of it.
I'm holding on to escape from reality but you walked right into reality. How ironic, the things you said to me, the things you did, I can remember every single one of it. I really really cannot get it out of my mind.
How could you?
There are sometimes I would do really stupid things that I didn't myself to do just to see you. I would feel happy for a moment before everything bad starts crashing down again.
I hate this, really hate this.
I just wish I could turn back time, what can I do now?
I'm selfish, I know. You're going to know more new people now and I've no idea when you would fall for another person and when that comes, I'll feel like shit because I've no choice but to force myself to face you and your new girl.
Yes I'm dumb, whatever.
I feel as if like I'm talking to myself here because there's no one coming to this space and I don't want people to reach here too.

I really can't deny the fact that I still misses you really badly.
When I see you online and I know that you're home, I've a sense of relief like alright at least you're home and I can see you online. Do you know how much I feel like typing I miss you to you and hitting the enter key but no I can't. I leave your contact group maximize while the others are all close because I wanna know what you put your nickname as, I'm really afraid you will fall for others because I really want you back.
For the hundredth time I'm gonna tell myself that I sound really desperate but I really don't wanna lose you. It's so miserable to live without you but I know you're living well without me
Baby I miss you. I still call you that but you won't call me that anymore.
I miss how you want me to give you a goodnight kiss through the webcam every night, how you would pretend to be angry because I didn't want to. How you would whisper darling into my ear. How you would ask me never to leave you.
I can't continue living without you. It's really hurting and it's killing me.
I need you by my side, I swear, I'm dying. I can't show others how much I'm still hurting inside.
They think that I'm strong enough to tide over this, but all I can do now everyday is to try to find things to occupy me for the day because I don't wanna be alone.
I really really miss your whispers, your soft kisses and everything, everything about you is my life.
I know how people would see my act as, what a loser. Come on G dumped you already, can't you just move on with life and stop living in the past, like he would get back to you. I really wished you would come back to me. You left me with a deep scar that would never be gone. I wish that you would come back to me, really. I wished something good would happen.
I dreamt about you last night and I dreamt that we were back together. How I wish it was true.
Please, can you not do this to me? It really hurts, I'm like moving on with life with no goal and everything is so meaningless. I still care a lot for you, I don't want you to fail your N's even though I tell the others that you better fail and all. You're like 18, why don't you study like how you used to when we were together. Does not being attached gives you the authority not to care about your future anymore? I know I'm like pot calling the kettle black. I'm not studying too but I'm really hurt inside out and I need time to heal, because I'm not picking myself up yet even though I look like I am. I haven't regreted anything about being with you. I'm very proud of telling others that you're my boyfr and the things you've done for me. I pictured you as the perfect boyfr and yes I'll wait. Wait till the day you fall for me again.
I've this phobia with me ever since the day we broke up. It's haunting me, how can I ever commit again. Can you fill the emptiness in me and not walk out of my life like this?
Please, please, please. I miss you and life sucks without you. I swear I can remember your everything. Your smell, how you keep me feeling safe and warm. I'll never experience the warmth you've given me ever again.
I love you and I really do. I can give up everything for you and I mean it. You say you know me as the party kind of people but I'm willing to give up my nightlife for you. I don't mind spending the whole day and night with you, lying on the bed, watching shows on your laptop, listening to love songs, hearing you sing to me and you coaxing me to sleep, us having small talks that were always so sweet. I miss your hugs, how it would make me sleep without fail. I feel just so safe bside you because I know you would not let anything happen to me.
You won't, will you?
I'm devastated now, I wanna cry but there's no one for me to lean on. Can I tell you how much I miss you, can you tell me you miss me a lot and you regreted it. For the period of time that we've cooled off from each other. I think it's time we got back. I really want to. I miss you, I love you. I hope you still do. Please get me out of the deep hole that you threw me into. I'll wait for you. Till your hand reaches out to help me out of it. I'll never be able to walk out of it on my own

Sigh I really miss you. Really a lot a lot a lot a lot
I really wished I could talk to you now and tell you how much I miss you.
I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you.
No amount of I miss you could account for the feeling I have for you now.
G

You make me feel like a loser and others will feel I'm one too.
I'm hoping for everything to be what I wanted to be and I really want the chance to come.
You don't give a shit about me now and I don't want you to fall in love with my friend although I've a high intuition that she has fallen for you but please do me a favour by not falling for her ok?
You all are gonna have a chalet and according to J, you guys are gonna club then head straight back to the chalet. If I'm going, I hope there would be a good change from there but I won't put my hopes are high.
I'm still silently waiting for you to fall for me again.
Don't you miss the memories we had? Not even a single bit?
Did it really took you such a short time to forget everything about me? I think you hate me now. I don't want you to hate me
You've to know how much I still love you.
I see you online every night, I always stop myself from talking to you even though I really wish to. I really want to tell you how much I miss you but I'm so afraid of the reply I'll get so all I can do is to type everything out.
I really wish something would come out of our relationship. You were the best boyfriend that I've ever had to date.
Alright, you're the guy that have treated me the best you can. I think I'm really fortunate to have you, even though it was only for two months. But those were the times I would never be able to forget.
J told me that at X's birthday chalet, you already wanted to sleep beside me. I was really happy when I heard that but when I knew about it, everything was over. We're over. Can I ask you something, are we really over? I really wish for everything to be back like how we used to.
Don't forget me please, I really wanna work out something for the both of us
I know I sound like some desperate bitch who is like stalking you and keeping a tab on you.
I can remember every look on your face, how you would wait for me to sleep first, how you would forego your sleep just to accompany me.
How you always sent me to school and pick me up. How you plant a kiss on my forehead infront of my school even though there were others there. You know how proud I feel to have you as my boyfriend. Maybe you never know, I can really say you're at the first place in my heart. Really. But you don't really wanna hear that now. All you wanna do is get me out of your life
What is Shermaine Goh to you now, she's no longer your baby girl. The one you used to love whole heartedly
No more.
I don't want things to be this way really
I'm still holding on to the hope that we would get back one day.
I would wait, whatever I say now is to make myself feel better

I miss you every second, every minute, everyday
You would tell your friends to end your game fast because you had to talk to me. You really melted me. I'm serious
I can remember every nitty details about the things that you've done for me and I've not regreted being with you.
If only I could turn back time, if only.
Please don't fall for another person before I do. I know I'm selfish but please that's the least you could do for me if you're not gonna miss me or fall for me again.
To me love is not a game.
I've my pride that's why I always say I don't believe in forever. But when it comes to you, I really believed that we would last.
You know how much hurt I suffered even before we got together. I was so anxious when I didn't receive your text and everything.
I want you to care for me, so I said some things on purpose because I like seeing you being worried about me.
Everyone always go, you can find better guys out there. So what, I think you're the best, the one for me.
Met J today and talked a bout a hell lots of things.
It makes sense, he asked me whether I'm going to forget about you or have I forgotten about you. I need to because I don't wanna suffer anymore, it really hurts. But I don't wanna forget you because I want you to come back to me.
Now don't you think I sound more and more like a loser. I bet I do. But what can I do. The game of love is toying with me
I'm hurt thoroughly but I still love you.

I miss you, will you ever come back to me?
I really want you to, I know it may seems like I'm really desperate but I really love you.
You've no idea how much pain I'm going through now since you left me, you totally have no idea.
I can break down at any moment and I don't wish to be left alone
If everything was as it is, now you would be with me, I would definitely ask you to accompany me through the night because I don't like to be alone. Being without you is something really terrible.
I'm really afraid of the day you fall for a next girl, then I'll totally be a stranger in your life or maybe by now I'm already one.
You're not, you're still my everything. The most important person in my life.
Do you know how much you've hurt me, you're still on my mind, every minute, every second. You're just everywhere, never leaving my sight.
I don't wanna walk behind you, I want you to hold me tight, I want you to be beside me
G, come back to me. I know you would never.
You really shatter my life.
Today I called S to tell her that I feel like jumping down, but it was a prank but I really did feel like doing it
I know it's stupid, why would I wanna take my life just for a break up, but do you know I still miss you a lot and you hurt me till I can never pick myself up.
You were in the same conversation as me just now, I wanted so much to tell you I miss you.
I'm tearing as I'm typing this now and I can feel myself breaking into a million pieces again.
How am I suppose to leave without you. I told myself to be strong but life without is just not the same. It really isn't.
I miss you, I miss, I miss you and I really miss you.

No one have any idea on how I'm feeling now. Whenever I pass by the road we use to take alone, I would break down in tears and no one would see it. I would always be alone whenever that happens.
I do not know when I would stop this crying shit, but as for now I can only suffer alone. I've to keep all this feelings within myself if not I'll never be able to get better.
I really miss you. I'll wait for you and I can wait but I just want to be close to you.
You've no idea how miserable it feels to be without you.
I trusted someone so much and in the end he turned on me. Am I that naive? That easy to be cheated again and again.
I don't want to be treated like this. I don't want you to lose feelings for me.
Can you come back to me. I'll sigh off here and continue later

I'm back here once again.
No one is reading this space till date and I'm very happy with it because sometimes I really need to write something out.
I can only express myself through words and actions and by hiding everything inside
Like what happened during Emath paper today. I was on the verge of breaking down and of course in the exam hall we aren't supposed to communicate with the others so I all I can do was to pen down my feelings. The more I wrote, the more I feel like crying and my eyes were brimmed with tears but I tried so hard to stop them from coming out. I did because I don't wanna let others see that weak side of me.
My friends all thought I was strong enough to pick myself up and move on but I can tell you I'm not.
I love him with all my heart and now I'm completely thrown into a state of lost
J told me I must really move on because I'm dealing with one of the major exams in my life now and I would definitely regret it. He said not to confide to others and control myself no matter how lousy I feel and wants to call someone to talk about it because this vicious cycle will go on and on and I can do nothing about it. I really wanna forget him but the thought of it hurts me
G, you did so much for me. You said you will never make me and you would rather die without, I place all my trust and love in you. I gave you my heart and you broke it. Now it's shattered and I don't know how long I would take to pick up these broken pieces for someone else to fix it back for me. When will that happen.
But you know what, I hope that someone would be you. G
Even though everyone tells me how much I should hate you for doing this to me, I can't bring myself to. I'm missing you every minute now and I hide my feelings to myself because people around are getting irritated by my constant breakdowns and all.
Some people can even mock at me
Is it this good to see others in such misery and you could even laugh at them telling them they deserve it?
It's already hurting enough that I'm going through all this. But it's okay I know I'm like cheap or what, I just want you back with me
Today I saw you, I don't know if you didn't see me or you actually didn't wanna see me. I saw you walking away from me, your back view edging further away from me. It didn't use to be like this. You were the one who would send me home and make sure I was safe before you would make your way home and you would always text me first. I really miss you, I really love you. I can tell you I would die without you.
But now what, you don't even care about all this anymore. You don't even wanna retain the memories that you and I had that I took care of that well. I don't wanna ever ruin it. Your things are all in good hands,I would never bear to let any of it gets damaged.
Every word you said still rings in my ear, I'll keep them safely because they were the best memories you gave me.
You said everything you said to me and did for me was true. Was it? I want the truth
Now every song that I listen to, every love song just fits into what I'm feeling right now. I used to listen to songs only because of it's melodies but after you left me, I started listening to songs because of their lyrics. Because I feel as if the lyrics are speaking for me .
Can you come back to me?
You would never see this space, everything I type here because you won't bother to. But what even if you see it, you've no feelings for me already. It faded for you but not for me. All I can say is I'm still waiting foolishly for you to be back. I'll still love you and I miss you like crazy.
I'll be back tomorrow for sure because I still have so much to say and there will not be a ending for the feelings I have for you.
I love you G

I'm glad no one knows about this site or rather there won't be anyone who bothers to come over to my lj because I've not really asked or told anyone about here besides publicising it on Facebook.
Maybe I should start saying everything I'm keep inside me here
It's not doing me any good to bottle all my hard feelings
Right now all I wish is I could turn back time so I could  save all those tears being shed for the past few days.
Yeah it may be an minor issue to everyone out there but to me it's not.
I know it's just the dark days or one of those passing phase but it's just making me feel really miserable.
Like a loser, some useless bitch.
I think I called Ben like a thousand times or so these past days and sometimes he would answer his phone hearing sobbing noise over the receiver and I know it's hard to come into contact with this kinda situation because you would not know what to do.
But to me, all I need was to know that there's someone there knowing that I'm crying.
That's all I need, only one person.
I don't have to let the whole world know about it, neither do I want that to happen.

It's getting late now, I shall turn in for the night.

I shall think about happy stuffs.
There's school tomorrow and it's gonna be a long day.
I'm so glad I've my ipod with me
In school, I would try to be as cranky as possible despite feeling really like shit in me
If I can't take it anymore, I would just ignore everyone existence
That's the most I can do to prevent myself showing everyone the attitude that I don't wanna let them see.
Alright I'll bid this space and myself goodnight.

I'll blog again tomorrow.
On a side note, I like reading the things I say over and over again.
So maybe some time later, I would find it such a interesting thing to read all my livejournal's post

Why am I here at this hour of the day when I'm supposed to be sleeping soundly on my bed.
Off for my ten hours of sleep before I wakes up the next morning to find myself in deep shit.
Massive pimple outbreak suck big time.
There's no one here and yet I'm still typing.
Useless piece of shit
Maniac

 Trying to alternate between blogspot and here. 
Doubt I'll really be active here. 
I'll be @ trashylicious.blogspot.com
This feels fun.